Are We Having Fun Yet?
Since last year, Hong Kong Government is issuing 'Smart Identity Cards" that come with microchips and what have you. Typically, you return your old plastic identity card and get this new flashy thing.
Anyway, to cut the story short, two weeks ago I went to Wan Chai immigration towers for pictures and procedures, and today morning; I was supposed to collect my ‘Smart ID’ card from Wan Chai.
Arriving punctually at the stroke of 11:00 a.m., I was requested to sit facing a wall (I kid you not) and wait for them to call my name. However, within less than ten minutes, I received my so called 'Smart ID' card.
The obese Mata Hari (immigration officer) sitting behind the counter requested me to check and verify my 'Smart ID' details on a monitor screen, following which, she told me that I could also check my information on "Self Service Kiosk."
It is this Self Service Kiosk or in short SSK, I want to warn you about! Walking from the obese Mata Hari's counter, I approached one such SSK. Designed like those interactive payphones you find in airport lounges, the SSK had a neat slot on bottom right; where you would insert your so called 'Smart ID' card.
Without much fanfare, I inserted my newly acquired 'Smart ID' into the slot and... NADA! NIL! Nothing happened. The screen didn't change to anything (either English or Chinese). And the electro/mechanical cunt swallowed my card for good!
Feeling a bit nervous, I picked up the handset, only to hear automated recording of a hoarse cow asking me to insert my 'Smart ID;' in three different languages (English, Cantonese, and Mandarin).
At this stage, I must remind overseas readers that one must always carry their Hong Kong identity card or passport with valid stay permit with them at all times. Otherwise it is an offence and you could be charged a fine, not to mention all the related hassles. Anyway, to lose my 'Smart ID' card in less than 5 minutes after I got it, was something I could take no more!
Exercising inhuman control, I stood there punching and pressing any thing I could, but the irritating automated voice kept repeating "Please insert your 'Smart ID' now."
Unable to control anymore, I started shouting loudly, "I already did you greedy cunt!"
As I wildly punched on the interactive screen while swearing loudly in both Cantonese and English, other folks waiting for their 'Smart ID' started feeling nervous. Soon another obese Mata Hari dressed in dark navy blue tent (immigration officer uniform) appeared at the scene (to help me).
Inserting the key at the back of the SSK (Self Service Kiosk) machine, she tried to retrieve my 'Smart ID.' That is when shivers ran down my spine...
For as soon as she turned the key, the screen went blank, the system booted itself, and boldly displayed on the screen I could see:
Microsoft Windows 2000 Professional
Holy Mother-fucking Divine Monkeys! Has the Government lost it? Trusting its almost seven million residents’ MOST PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL information (Smart ID) to Microsoft?
I am aware about the obscene terms I am writing above. But despite having said/written this, I am still in a state of shock!
I mean there are hundreds of safer systems in this world. IBM and UNIX are two names that come to my mind. But Microsoft?
The horror continued...
Despite Mata Hari's repeated efforts, my 'Smart ID' won't come out! Fuck me lord and fuck me hard! For I was a buffoon to insert the so called ‘Smart ID’ in the kiosk.
Realizing she wasn't having much luck, Mata Hari then asked me the most dumb question I have heard regarding personal identity cards in Hong Kong: "Do you have another Smart ID?" By the way, it is an offence to carry more than one ID on your person. I just gave her a very hostile look and she ran away to fetch a colleague's (who must be at least as old as I am) 'Smart ID.'
Upon returning, she inserted her colleague's 'Smart ID,' and all this while I was observing the screen that now said "Touch Base Systems" or something. A mother-fucking personal computer with interactive monitor and a card reader probably connected via Internet or Ethernet somewhere in Hong Kong is all that it is!
Anyway, eventually I got back my 'Smart ID' card, but...
What comes to your mind? Virus? Hackers? Your info distributed around the world thanks to Tung Chee-hwa's governance and his intolerable brilliant ideas?
Who the fuck signed on Microsoft contract or tender? And as citizens/residents do we have a voice in this (more than) alarming fact that I just uncovered by accident?
How safe is 'Smart ID?' And why hasn't any newspaper or journalist in this town noticed this particular fact and possible security breach?
One thing is sure from now. I ain't inserting my 'Smart ID' in any electro/mechanical cunt starting from today. No public library, driving license, or any other additional info that they offer to put for free on your 'Smart ID' card will ever make it to my so called ‘Smart ID’ card.
Readers beware. Especially Hong Kong residents.
Cheers!
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