See Lai

The Embarrassing Fiasco

An impromptu afternoon appointment with Count Chan (Dr. Chan), I had aggressively decided to get closer to Count Chan's sexy lady assistant, Brenda.

Being overly polite to Count, I remarked how lucky he was to have such a beautiful and nice lady assistant help him. Count's face beamed and I knew that I had showered the right praise.

Soon after Brenda left Count and me in his 'inspection room,' almost jokingly I told Count - "You know, before I go to the hospital, I would definitely like to bonk sexy skirts."

"What?" Count was a bit puzzled. Perhaps, he couldn't associate the hidden meaning of the word "bonk."

"Sexy skirts." I pointed at Brenda who was in other part of the clinic but still visible through the glass panes. "I would like to lay her." I tried to be more direct, assuming that man to man, he won't mind.

For a while Count's face darkened and I could see faint traces of anger in his eyes. But soon he smiled. Almost cackling with laughter, he patted my forehead and said, "Ron, in this life you won't be able to have her."

"Ah ha, you sly fox, has she been laid..." and after a pause I added, "by you?"

"Yes Ron, Brenda is my wife."

Wild Bonking Elephants! If I could, at that very moment I would have vanished out of his clinic window like Spiderman. Instead, I sincerely apologized and told Count that I was extremely sorry.

"Never mind. I am glad that you think she is beautiful." Count's face no longer registered anger or embarrassment, as he continued examinations on the human body I was hanging in. On the other hand, I wanted to faint right there and then! Unable to do so, I lay there with my eyes closed.

"County, you could have told me earlier," I thought. Damn! Who would have thought that a 20 something year old lady would be a wife of a 55 year old clown? And to think he is also one of the surgeons who will operate on me! I hope he doesn't have a vengeful heart.

Half an hour later and apologizing almost a dozen more times, I left his clinic. He didn't mind and in fact for the first time accompanied me to the lift lobby. He was still laughing when the elevator doors closed. A bit angry, behind the closed doors of the elevator, I made a "Up Yours" sign, Italian style.

A thirsty camel chased out of private oasis! That is how I really felt. So there folks! No Brenda, and definitely no chance of a bonk.

Cheers!

Yaya Kozuki

Warning: Links contain nudity. Click only if you are above 21. Some pictures below are partially or totally nude.
The Sexy Seductress!

Front Pose - popup image or album - A lady moves into your neighborhood, and starts seducing everyone around.

Topless - popup image or album - Every morning she plays with herself right outside in her front garden. Neighborhood men crowd at the fence of her garden...

Back Pose - popup image or album - Finally, one day she calls you to her house to help her out with some chores.

Go ahead and enjoy!

Note: Soon I will be setting up the Model of the Year contest (probably by second week of December). However, I will at least introduce three more models for this year (probably day after tomorrow), before I round up models for 2004.

Cheers!

Stairway To Heaven

Late in the evening, I find Mrs. Ng and my wife in the living room. Tears rolling down their eyes, they look at me. A shiver runs down my spine. Could Catherine have committed suicide? Did Bert finally go insane?

Soon the answer materializes in form of a wild gesture as both of them ask me to move away from the huge TV screen as I am blocking their view.

Sitting next to them, I see a man who looks like a well-dressed plumber who is holding a lady in his arms. And the lady's face looks like she could be a refugee from North Korea. Fully dressed, the couple is seated inches away from the waves on a beach, which by the way looks quite odd. But not as odd as the background music, which is reminiscent of some state leader's funeral ceremony. 

During the commercial break, Mrs. Ng and my wife engage in intense discussions about the TV serial, and that is when I realize that they are watching Stairway to Heaven - A Korean soap opera dubbed in Cantonese and broadcast on TVB Jade (local Chinese channel in Hong Kong).

I gather from their discussion that the lead actress (heroine) is dying from cancer and the lead actor (hero) is extremely sad. Tonight is the final episode of the show and with only 15 minutes left, the heroine is about to die.

Her eyes still tearful, Mrs. Ng remarks to my wife about how romantic and touching the set and the scene is - "What could be better than to die in the arms of your lover on a beach?" My wife agrees. I take the opportunity and point out that after she dies, it would be very convenient for the plumber-looking character to throw her body in the sea and walk away. My joke is not well received!

As soon as the commercials end and the show resumes, as if on cue, tears return in Mrs. Ng and my wife's eyes. I walk over to the living room bar and select a box of scented tissues. A touch of romance, even in our living room, would make the evening perfect. As an afterthought, I even light scented candles and place them around strategic positions in the living room.

As expected, the heroine dies in the arms of the plumber and without wasting a second, I hand over a couple of tissues to both Mrs. Ng and my wife.

While I watch them try and wipe their eyes, I am struck by irony - Here I am crying out loud in pain and agony every night, and regularly puking blood every morning since last couple of months. However, not even a single tear has been shed (so far) by either Mrs. Ng or my wife.

And here on TV is some North-Korean-refugee-lookalike lady dying in some plumber's arms, and Mrs. Ng and my wife are leaking like a faucet (tap). I feel like I should remind Mrs. Ng and my wife that in real life, that Korean actress must be pretty healthy and still very much alive. But I refrain myself.

I mean we all know it is a drama right? So what is it about such soap operas with tragic ends, and the mother of them all - Titanic, that makes most women mortgage their common sense and wisdom? And what about those of us who really might have tragic deaths? Do we really have to die to make them cry?

My only thoughts at the moment - This really is a cruel world!

Cheers!

The Jealous Woman

A man is but a mere possession of a woman's fantasy. -- Ron Bach

While the Thanksgiving feast and party was great with more than 50 people including family, friends, and guests enjoying, something unexpected almost screwed up the party.

Mrs. Ng, our lovely and sexy neighbor (though now almost like a family member), hugged Bert and gave him a deep throat kiss (yes more than lip to lip), or that is what it looked like.

"This is for all these beautiful dishes you have prepared today." She continued kissing Bert and then said, "I have never met Mr. Cordon Bleu in my life. Today I have."

While the guests, my wife, and I clapped in appreciation for Bert, Catherine threw her platter on the floor and stormed back to her room (guest room). Luckily, Catherine's parents, who were also invited, specifically to exhibit Bert's culinary skills, were enjoying themselves in the garden; serving themselves with other elderly guests. And therefore they were not privy to what happened.

As a host who has thrown countless parties and witnessed countless odd scenes, I simply signaled my maid to clean the mess on the floor and continued encouraging everyone as if nothing had happened. The easiest way to screw up a party is to confront a neurotic woman, in this case Catherine, right in front of everyone.

Ten minutes after the party almost returned to normal, and everyone continued enjoying, I checked on Catherine's parents in the garden. They were having fun and also praised Bert.

Back inside, I quietly apologized to Mrs. Ng and dragged Bert to the living room bar.

"Ron, I am sorry," quacked Bert. "She (Catherine) shouldn't have done this, at least out of respect for you. I could have talked it over with her later..."

"Forget it. How was the kiss?  Like the taste?" I have experienced regularly, but I was more interested in finding out how Bert felt.

A very blushing and embarrassed Bert smiled. Blood pouring in his cheeks, he looked with mesmerized eyes at his drink...

Reon Kadena

Warning: Links contain nudity. Click only if you are above 21. Some pictures below are partially or totally nude.
The Grateful Dame!

Introduction - popup image or album - You see a desperate girl with torn clothes on the road, and out of sympathy, bring her home.

"I have nothing, no one, and nowhere to go." She says, as she removes her top. Suddenly, a thought crosses your mind and you are more than interested in sorting out her problems...

Action - popup image or album - Soon she jumps out of her (torn) clothes, and waits for you on the bed. Throughout the night, you bonk your brains out...

Reaction - popup image or album - When you wake up, she is gone. But you find her playing in your garden, albeit, dressed in nothing but your sheets.

Yes, she loves cloth(es).

Damn, the story sucks. But I need some sleep before I can do any better. At least the girlies are out and back, thanks to the kind souls.

Note: While I kept my promise and did not play any pranks with Bert during last night's feast, some serious incidents happened (between Catherine and Bert) thanks to Mrs. Ng. I am still trying to calm everyone (concerned) down. Seems Bert has this natural attraction for troubles. More about all that later...

Cheers!

Happy Thanksgiving!

For most Americans, Thanksgiving is on fourth Thursday of November (for Canadians it is second Monday of October).

Anyway, throughout the year we have laughed at Bert. However, today I have nothing but praise for him. Since 07:00 am today morning, Bert has been busy with turkeys (notice: plural as we are having a huge feast tonight with lots of guests invited), and he even decided to take a day off.

If anyone can thaw, stuff, roast, carve, or grill a turkey, Bert can! He has been at it all day long, and he also cooked the side dishes. My wife, Mrs. Ng, Catherine, and my maids are so impressed by him that they can't stop praising him.

Even I am impressed. And so, in tonight's party, I promise I will not make fun of Bert and neither play any tricks on him. May Bert be with us on every Thanksgiving Day. He is simply wonderful and I mean it!

I hereby declare his crime (of being interested by Queer Eye) totally forgiven.

Well, Happy Thanksgiving everyone and I want to take the opportunity to thank all See Lai readers for supporting me and this site and all the care and concern you have always showered. Y'all are great. Thank you.

Time to bring out the Cornucopia and enjoy!

Cheers!

Gates To Heaven

If there is one person on this planet who will most definitely go to heaven, then he is none other than Bill Gates.

Single handedly, he has achieved what most priests and fakirs are unable to do - force people to pray!

Yessire, Bill Gates has forced millions upon millions of people to pray to Jesus, Yahweh, Allah, Buddha, or what have you. Even atheists start worshipping the divine principles of the Supreme Universe, thanks to Bill. Such is the power of Bill's Plug and Pray operating systems when computers running Microsoft Windows simply fuck up in your face for no particular reason!

7,200 virgins for Bill in heaven for leading desperate souls to "God!"

Well folks, while I switched over to Unix based systems, the girlie and model of the week pictures were still on Windows XP server. Yesterday afternoon, for no particular reason, the server (again) decided to buckle up on me. As a result, I am unable to update the models (yet), and have seriously started praying.

Apart from pictures, I have also lost a very good introduction to one of my friend's new web site as well as some very classic button designs.

These are the times when I want to stand up and say, "Yes, I am a believer!"

Seriously, a question for the technical genius and kind hearted souls out there - If the processor light does not come on and even if the monitor does not receive a signal when you start the server (everything else inside the box including the hard disks seem to be working fine), what could be wrong? RAM, CPU, Motherboard, or BIOS? Many thanks in advance. Girlies depend upon it.

Cheers!

Chien Zhou

Warning: Links contain nudity. Click only if you are above 21. Some pictures below are partially or totally nude.
She Wants Sex!

Introduction - popup image or album - She likes to shag...

Desperate - popup image or album - Always itchy between her legs, she always wants someone to bonk (her)...

Wild - popup image or album - If no one comes around, she starts playing with herself. Yes, she can be wild.

What say you? Note: Models change tomorrow, so hurry up.

Cheers!

Lingerie

Lingerie is the most uneconomical dress for a woman. However, women like it!

I see it as waste of money, as it only stays on for about an hour. That is, if the foreplay even lasts that long.

I say nothing is better than a huge towel, strategically tied around; so that the cleavage shows. What else could be more practical?

Cheers!

Divine Intervention

Scene: Late Friday night in the garden

A gentle knock on the study door and I knew it was Bert. As usual, I switched to Yahoo News and let Bert in.

"Ron, the dogs have started liking my new teepee and sit inside with me." Bert was clearly distressed, but I was amused by this new development.

"As long as they don't bother you, continue your meditations." I tried to dismiss the entire affair.

"They even pee inside my teepee, and the stench is horrible." Bert continued his defense.

"That is territory marking," I explained to Bert and continued, "as long as they have their own place inside your teepee, they will soon stop doing that."

However, immediately after saying it, a flash of genius crossed my mind - Bert, his past life mother and siblings, meditations, teepee, Orion star system, dog(s), and alignment of star systems over Bert's head! (I recommend you at least click last three links to see a connection.)

The story was falling into place all by itself! As if divine intervention was helping me along with Bert. And therefore, I decided to make it a grand story for Bert.

The other divine help is that we have three dogs - Beethoven (German Shepherd), Cookie (Maltese), and Monkey (Toy Poodle). Don't misunderstand. While we got Beethoven and Cookie from pure breeders, Monkey is a refugee dog where his previous owners couldn't have him. But being Hong Kong Chinese, they gave him a stupid name - Money. However, Monkey (Money) used to bark a lot and I used to end up shouting - "Fuck you Money, Get lost Money, etc."  Realizing that I was indirectly and unconsciously cursing my own wealth, I then decided to change his name to 'Monkey'. He doesn't realize the difference.

Anyway, stepping outside with Bert into the garden and approaching his teepee, even I could smell the stench. However, it wasn't time for stench solutions, but time for the perfect drama that has ever played out in my garden...

"Holy Fucking Shit!" I exclaimed as I looked at the dogs inside the teepee, looked at the teepee, and looked above at the skies (the last link above - 'dogs' will give you an idea of what I meant).

"What is it Ron?" Bert, as usual, was getting overly anxious, and nervous.

Instead of answering him, I continued looking at all objects and moved around in the garden. Bert kept following me. Once again I pointed at all the objects and then pointed at the skies exclaiming, "Man!"

Bert was getting really worked up and so I asked him, "don't you see it?"

"What?"