Since the day this site was about to crash, we have started coming to Ron's house. Everything we need to maintain the site is here, so why bother with copies and backup? Besides, we are helping Ron deplete his awesome collection of liquors.
That sounds like fun but there's a problem. Ms. Ng's maid let's us in as she is the only one who has the keys to Ron's house. But as soon as we are settled, she returns to Ms. Ng's house. And therefore, no one cooks for us.
To overcome this problem, we decided that one of us should "entertain" Ms. Ng's maid, and in return she might start cooking for us. Voluntary gigolos? That's us!
Ms. Ng's maid isn't gorgeous and she would hardly win any model contest, but once you are drunk or desperate, a woman is a woman. Thus having convinced ourselves, we decided to draw straws. And the result? Ray was destined to be the first peacock, as Ron would have said!
So without wasting any time, Ray started working on it. An early evening trip to girly bars in Wan Chai, he started learning specific sentences in Tagalog – The Philippine language. "After all," we told him, "if you are going to impress a lady, you should impress her in her own language."
As soon as he was confident that he had memorized some basic words, we returned to Ron's place. "Kumusta ka?" Ray greeted the maid, the Philippine equivalent of "how are you?" She was very surprised and her usually scornful face turned all smiles. "Mabuti!" she answered Ray, which means "fine" in Philippine language, and after that, she started uttering the longest sequence of complex words that we have ever heard in our life.
That's what you get for being a smart ass. Never talk to people in their language if your skills are limited to 6 or 7 words or if you can hardly construct a single sentence - That was our first lesson.
As you already know, Ray is ABC or American Born Chinese, and therefore he does look like he is from the Philippines. Perhaps that is why the maid started chattering. But after she finished her long sentence, Ray just stood there looking like an idiot. Finally we intervened and told her in English that Ray was desperately trying to learn Tagalog and was trying to impress her.
After she let us in, we politely requested her to cook something for us. She was in a happy mood and she cooked dinner for us. But she might not do that tomorrow, or day after, or until Ron and his family returns. So whether Ray likes it or not, he will have to continue learning Tagalog. She speaks good English, but Mike and I insist that Ray must court her in the language of the Philippines.
We also found a web site – Tagalog on the Web, and Ray has already started studying, but we are afraid that the learning curve might be too long. Instead of mastering the language, we think he urgently needs to learn the following sentences:
"You are very beautiful."
"Your cooking is excellent."
"I am in love with you."
"I want to bonk you."
Mike and I believe that after hearing the above from Ray, she will be happy. And as long as she is happy, she will keep cooking for us. So if you, dear reader, know Tagalog and can help Ray with the above, we will be very grateful. Thanks in advance.
Note: If you are wondering why we are not answering comments, each of us thought the other would do that. From tomorrow we have decided to draw straws and one of us will answer the comments.
Cheers!
Post by Bob, edited by Mike, and uploaded after we tied Ray to a chair.
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