Check Please!

An early morning appointment with Count Chan (Dr. Chan), I notice that Brenda (Count's wife and also his assistant) is absent. Instead, a fierce looking woman stands by Count's side as Count reads the reports. "You are almost as healthy as a horse," he says. I neigh.

As he leads me to the inspection room, I keep looking around for Brenda, but she is not around. During the tests and inspections, I ask Count, "Where is Brenda?" He smiles as he tells me that Brenda is pregnant. I congratulate him and smile, but soon my hairs stand on their ends! "How many months?" I ask. He replies that she is pregnant since seven months.

My mind races as I try to calculate the time that has elapsed between the first time I had sex with Brenda (without condoms) and now. Almost seven months! Hoolala!

My blood pressure rises as Count continues the conversation about how they tried for several years and weren't successful in having a baby. "And now we are blessed!" he concludes. A sudden sense of suffocation, I want to jump out of his clinic as fast as I can. About time for me to beat it? Stop coming to Count and find another specialist? Such prospects are more than likely!

Half an hour later, as I run out of Count's clinic, I fumble with my cell phone and place a call to Brenda (Count's wife). An afternoon lunch appointment, Brenda smiles as she caresses her tummy. I focus my eyes on her protruding belly and shivers run down my spine. "Tell me," I want to tear my hair, "Tell me that's not mine!" Instead, I keep quiet.

Brenda keeps chirping throughout the lunch, and all the while, I keep asking questions related to the baby. But soon her face goes pale as I remind her about the Christmas party and our first bonk. "I am sorry," I tell her, "but the timing is too close for me to be comfortable. Are you sure that your baby belongs to Count?" She laughs and jokes, but after a while, I notice that even she looks worried. Holy cow! The last thing we want Brenda to have is an Asian looking baby with blue eyes.

As a courteous and (now a) responsible man, I drive Brenda to her home. The journey feels uncomfortably long and even though we keep talking to each other, both of us feel that we are unnaturally tense. I kiss her on the cheek and wave her goodbye, but before she leaves, I ask her to double-check. After all, it is too late for her to have an abortion.

Cheers!

Comments

[glenn]

Brown eyes are dominant and blue eyes need TWO recessive genes. One from you and one from her. If Brenda has brown eyes your covered....lucky bastard ;-)

[A]

Ron, now the child will be a bastard

[Dicey]

Asian kid with blue eyes? Gee, with 3 (?)legitimate half-Chinese children I thought you know. Tz!
There are other signs that will sell you out: lighter skin colour, lighter hair colour, the shape of the nose and in few years it will be the height. But maybe until then Count Chan has become an old near-sighted man.

[Ron]

Glenn,

Am I right about the problem with recessive genes theory, that if one parent has blue eyes, the chances are high that the kids could have that too?

I researched and read that even two brown eyed parents can have a baby with blue eyes (though rare), and some medical journals suggest this is similar to the four-winged dragonfly (also a case of recessive genes and used as textbook illustration).

Of course, Count and Brenda are qualified medics and therefore they would know all this. So there is some relief.

However, the other factors are also scary. For example, Chinese rarely have 'O' blood group. Now you know why I worry.

A,

If that child is mine, what you say is technically true.

Dicey,

Yes, I have three kids. While they don't have blue eyes, they have very light brown hair (almost blond), light brown eyes, lighter skin color, and my eldest son (now almost 15) is already 6' 2" tall, and he is taller than I am. My kids also don't suffer from the allergies I suffer (mostly skin and respiratory allergies in Hong Kong).

However, you didn't realize my dilemma, Dicey. My kids looking half-Chinese and half Western would be acceptable, as everyone knows that my wife is Chinese and I am not.

But what will happen when Count looks at the newborn baby who doesn't exactly look like a pure Chinese? I can imagine! He will use his bare hands to pull out the new liver from my guts.

A friend of mine sent me an email saying, "How tragic? Count saves your life [surgeries] only to kill you later!"

Damn :-(

Anyway, the possibility is still a suspect, and not a surety. I do hope the baby belongs to Count.

Cheers!

[Dicey]

If Brenda is that 'hot' wouldn't there be any other gweilo suspects? You could always blame it on the other blond guy with the appendix problems. Who needs an appendix anyway?

[Yung-Han]

... you know a person named Count? ... that's what gets me the most (probably because i'm adopted from korea.. haha so this whole...father mother father baby thing doesnt' faze me...
. o O and i always thought that Blue was a Dominant as well as brown...bluish brown...that would be....really nasty)

[Joyce]

Well, hope that everything will go fine...

[maotai]

oops...

[kagi]

Look at it from the viewpoint of Dr Chan. Imagine the shame, and what he'll have to face. He is a respected doctor. It will be much too dangerous for you, to be his patient. (NO JOKE)

[Tom]

Blue is recessive. This means that someone with brown eyes may posses the blue gene as well. So there are three types of people, (1) pure-gened blue-eyed, (2) mixed-gened brown eyed, and (3) pure-gened brown-eyed.

A person of type 2 may have blue-eyed children, provided thier mate is not of type 3, because a person of type 3 will always have blue-eyed children -- even when mating with a type 1.

Furthermore, if both people are of type 2 then 1/4 of their children will be blue-eyed.

Now, I've done the math: suppose that 1 in every 10,000 chinese is born with blue eyes (and somehow disappears into oblivion). This would allow that 1 in 50 women is of type 2. Now, Since a 2 and a 1 will have blue-eyed child half the time -- you have a 1% chance that the baby has blue eyes. (Supposing that the baby *is* actually yours).

[glenn]

Yep Tom, although a little long winded in his reply, is correct. But you cant get around blood typing and DNA testing. Its 99.99% accurate. Much better than Tom's Mendelian genetics lesson

[Jim Clement]

And unfortunately for Ron, the count already has posession of the DNA. What to do, What to do? Perhaps now might be a good time to borrow Bert's Pyramid. . . other than praying - - not much to do but wait it out.

[Jim Clement]

Hopefully this advice will not be untimely. You might give some serious thought to having a vasectomy. When you are in possession of a valid "Zero sperm count" ticket, then you can truly bonk at will - - - and never have to worry about the possibly unpleasant "outcome" 9 months later. I will be undergoing my procedure later this month. And now with the newer technologies they are surgically reversible.

Brosit!

[Hua]

Ron, get yourself a "sterile certificate". Buy it off the black market if you will, get some doctor to issue certs saying you had that problem for 2 years, just have a valid reason for Count to believe it is NOT you!

[Joyce]

Well, I think no matter who the father is ..he will be responsible for what he has done IF this is the case...and this is not a issue of discussing how to avoid this and that when it happens....just need to face it in positive way...the baby is the one for whom the father needs to be responsible...

[Jim Clement]

Hua,

Negative! Negative! If the count already (and he does) have the DNA - then a sterile certificate would br totally worthless. If it is Ron's child - then Ron will have to handle things (and will want to, I believe) in a rational and responsible manner.

Joyce,

I agree with you 100%. I only suggest a vasectomy as a matter of the Male assuming responsibility for Female's emotional welfare and safety. Since I like to bonk multiple partners, then I need to do it responsibly. And that means not bringing unwanted children into the world when neither I or my partners are ready for them. I already have a daughter who is age 26. So, I do not need or want another child. And if I do not want another child, then it is MY responsbility to take the appropriate and necessary steps to ensure that no contraception can occurr.

Brosit!

[Ron]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the help and understanding regarding this difficult issue.

At the moment, I am just hoping things turn out fine without any complications or problems (as in it really is Count's).

However, should it be proven that the baby is mine, I am willing to take full responsibility of the baby and even Brenda (if the need be).

I will definitely have to think about (reversible) vasectomy if my bonking adventures are not brought under control.

Once again, thanks everyone and...

Cheers!

[Anonymous]

Ron,

Since Count didn't really do anything wrong, other than marry someone too young for his age, perhaps you should ask how he can save face.

Luckily for you, even Asian kids can have blue eyes for the first few weeks.

Strine

[Hua]

Dratx, I missed the DNA part. But, can you make Doc believe he has some Aryan blood from his ancestors who married the Roman settlers in Northen China? Then he will not check DNA samples :P

I guess you can take care of this, at least you have more sense and responsibility than you-know-who.

[Ame, a moonlight shadow]

Wow ... that's low. I mean ... it's cheating in both dirctions ...

[Tony]

OK, here's my 2 cents worth on a possible outcome. Assuming of course that Brenda has not had her baby yet.

Brenda could possibly have delivery prematurely induced, away from her husbands office without Count knowing about it(If she has any family, perhaps they can cover for her).

If the child appears to have Caucasian features, then she could put the baby up for adoption(You could possibly adopt it), and then she could always tell Count the baby was stillborn.

The only problem(s) I see is that if Chinese law requires the doctor to notify Count of the birth. Or if the Count wants to have a funeral for the baby...especially open view!!

[Sylvia]

Hi, Breanda should have given birth by now. So whom does the baby like?