Crazy Minnie, Stupid Bert!

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It wouldn't be too difficult to imagine Bert in a Mickey costume, but it would be challenging to imagine sexy Apple in a Minnie costume. But why would they want to dress up like that?

Well, during breakfast, Bert announced that he would host his wedding party in world's first government-sponsored Disneyland (of Hong Kong).

"It was Apple's idea," Bert said while chewing a nectarine, "and even I think it is a great idea."

My wife and I looked at each other, disbelief flowing out of our popping eyes, Mrs. Ng dropped her spoon, my kids started giggling, but only Ah Chig continued eating, as he could not understand what Bert said. "What do you think?" Bert asked me.

"Years down the road," I told Bert, "when you show your wedding photographs to your kids, they will be depressed!" Bert's jovial expressions turned sour, as he demanded further explanation of what I meant.

"Who in their right minds would get married among a crowd of clowns?" My wife and Mrs. Ng nodded. "And," I pointed at Bert, "If you want to know why your kids will be depressed, then I can tell you that they will be depressed because it will be difficult for them to accept that they are born of parents who are mental retards."

"They will think that?" Bert asked with a resigned look on his face.

All of us kept looking at Bert. I think he got the message. "But how can I turn down Apple's wedding ideas?" Bert said. We still kept staring at him.

Finally, I broke the silence. "Look Bert, it is up to Apple and you if you want to host your wedding in Disneyland. But it will be unlike regular wedding parties in Hong Kong. For starters, you won't be serving shark-fin soup – an accepted part of wedding dinners in Hong Kong. And, according to the latest reports (scroll down to the last paragraph of Fri, 15 Jul entry and click the link there), the brand new beds, and coffee tables are infested with beetles."

"In most likelihood," I told Bert, "you will be sitting with Apple in the balcony of your honeymoon suite watching smoky fireworks at night, while Apple, dressed in sexy Minnie underpants and bra will be unwrapping a Mickey Mouse condom to celebrate your first night while you are busy chewing lobsters."

Everyone started laughing, but ignoring them, I warned Bert, "even if you invite us to your stupid wedding party, remember that if anyone takes any photographs of any member of my family with clowns, I swear that I will undress you, and spank your ass in front of everyone!" Bert was depressed and without saying anything, he retreated to his room.

Later in the afternoon, I had a phone conversation with good friend, See Lai reader, and blogger Joyce. She was a bit surprised, but she easily concluded that hosting the wedding party in Disneyland must have been Apple's idea. "Even my friends would be thrilled if they had their wedding party in Disneyland of Hong Kong. According to them," Joyce continued, "that would be romantic and better than a hundred-thousand dollar diamond ring. But I (Joyce) wouldn't like the idea of a wedding or a wedding party in Disneyland!"

So, dear readers, I think everyone will agree that getting married among a crowd of clowns is as stupid as it can get. After all, marriage is a one-time event (for most people). Why screw it up?

Cheers!

Comments

[James]

"you will be sitting with Apple in the balcony of your honeymoon suite watching smoky fireworks at night, while Apple, dressed in sexy Minnie underpants and bra will be unwrapping a Mickey Mouse condom to celebrate your first night while you are busy chewing lobsters."

MWAHAHAHAHA HAR HAR HA

[Jim Clement]

I completely agree with you, Ron. As it is a once in a lifetime event - - - it is something that should be a proper and solemn event.

While I know that a lot of Chinese women would see Disneyland as a very romantic location for a wedding, you could not DRAG me into that place for any reason today.

If they want an unusual wedding location with a high romance factor, maybe they should consider getting married aboard a yacht-sub 50 fathoms below the surface of the ocean. That would make for a moment to remember forever as they gaze at the marine environment through the transparent bow. The drawback is that it would restrict the size of the "official" party to 10 or so. That would be "their" wedding - - and the "Family and Friends" social wedding would take place about a week or so before that. That way, they could have what they really want (a wedding that they dreamed up all on their own) while still conforming to the social norm. I respect that Bert wants to make the wedding day perfect for Apple. Good on him. But Mickey Mouse? No way, simply no way.

However you have to admit that those two clowns getting married among their own kind at Clown Central, HK - - well what location could be more appropriate? Hmmm???

Brosit!

[Nancy]

I agree. Wild horses couldn't drag me into Disneyland. Reading the links I feel Disney is making fun of Asian culture. Do they think Asians are stupid?

[Joyce]

This is related to culture I think...

I am sure almost 80% of Asian girls include Taiwanese, Chinese, HKnese and Japanese would love to have their wedding in Disneyland. They think it would be romantic and special. Asian girls like cute stuff. You can always see cartoon characters such as Mickey and Hello Kitty that HK girls love to carry everyday for their mobile or whatsoever accessories inside their handbags. It could be the trend or it could be just the culture...anyway, everyone has their own interest and taste...I am also from HK, but absolutely not my way and taste...:P

[Jim Clement]

I think you are correct, Joyce. The fascination with cartoon and cute characters is most likely a cultural thing.

We have a large population of Asians here in Hawaii (Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, Taiwanese) and I would estimate that 80% or more of the women that I observe are all carrying some cartoon character as a personal accessory.

My Pekkle is looking down at me from the top of my monitor as I type these words - - - and as it was given to me by a very dear friend - - - I will keep and treasure it as a touchstone forever. But I would not want to be seen carrying it around with me in my daily sojourns throughout Honolulu.

I enjoy your writing at YogaYuga.

Brosit!

[Ron]

Even though childish, carrying cartoon characters in handbags or hanging on cellular phones, etc. would be acceptable but laughable (depending on the [mental] age, of course).

But marriage/wedding in a crowd full of cartoon characters? May be I am too old and not "in," (common local term for trendy), but marriage, in my opinion, is a serious event in one's life. And if the couples are so immature or childish to marry in "Clown Central" (as Jim puts it so eloquently), I can't see that marriage lasting long (enough).

Rather brings to memory those male drivers in Hong Kong who have Hello Kitty dolls on the dashboard or dangling from their car windows. Also reminds me of 20 plus year old women wearing pink panties with Hello Kitty logos sewn in their panties.

And of course, odd women who hug huge dolls or teddy bears in malls just because their boyfriends presented it to them on their birthday or what have you.

Cute? In my personal opinion, I don't find that cute at all. As is obvious from my post and this comment, Intelligence Quotient (IQ) of such people immediately comes to my mind.

But then, I could be overly judgmental and if so, I apologize. May be these are really depressed or deranged people who can't bear the pressures of the tough life of a modern society and therefore find a way to relieve themselves in fantasy world or land.

Having studied a bit of psychology, I would classify such behavior as escapism.

Cheers!

[Joyce]

Jim:

So even when you are in Hawaii you can see the same situation as in Asia. It's just culture. Friend of mine who is a mother, and she loves Hello Kitty..all her accessories are related to Hello Kitty. She said she will buy her baby everything with Hello Kitty logo on included clothes, hats, shoes and whatsoever..I am glad that her baby is a girl. :)

[Dicey]

I also like cute stuff. But cuteness should be kept away from some areas in life e.g. funerals, tax computation aaand weddings.

It is probably a mentality thing but my mentality tells me that I'd rather drop dead than marry in Cheesy Land. Guess, I could not stand the "it's a small world after all, hakuna matata, you'll be in my heart"- thang.

And what's with all this singing? After a Disney cartoon I always feel like I watched the Wizard of Oz on crack and feel the urge to say words like "oh jolly good" and "how swell!"

Naah, Bert should have a real Chinese wedding. Stick to the traditional thing instead of succumbing to the Asian addiction to cuteness... like Magret Cho once said "That is so Mulan!"

[Lawrence]

i just attended a HK Licensing Tradeshow where we had the marketing rep for Disney give his opinion of where the market is heading. There's a reason that after kids, they target young unmarried women. The romance/saccharin factor is apparently considered very high.

However, I would like to observe that there is a difference between actual and apparent romance and this is highly personal/individualistic. One past girlfriend thought I was romantic for buying her peanuts ... (I remembered they were her favorits and dashed back to supermarket to grab them) and you probably remember the story of Bert and the jewellery v panty-liner. I'm sure Disney spends an awful amout promoting the romance of the location but my observation is that the key factor is the people who attend rather than location. The difference between heaven and hell IMHO is the company you keep.

And keep in mind the important things ... the declaration of marriage vows in public. The wedding is only the start of the rest of your life so try and get the important things right. A convenant with God (keeping in mind Bert's Catholic background) is a serious act so for him to be so easily persuaded by Apple to opt for a theme park is a worrying thought (bugs in bed aside).

[Wesley]

Mmm, personally I don't find hello kitty cute, my gf does... I really dont like micky mouse and the gang but I do like the wild rides on theme parks...

As for the topic... Wedding at disney land... I think I will shit my pants from laughing if I ever see the wedding pictures... But Ron, your know that Bert is very easy to manipulate, and I am sure that Apple knows that as well. Not only that, he is totally in love with her, right? so he will do anything she asks, no matter what she asks.... hell, she could have said "I want to marry while falling off the highest tower in HK with no bungee cord or parachute and all Bert will think and say is "if you want that, u will get it!"

I don't wanna come off as a smart ass right now, but when you fall in love with someone your brain makes a hormone that we experience as 'love' and after 8 or 9 months that hormone works out and people start seeing things how they are and also start to notice bad things about the other... before that hormone wears off you just dont notice many bad things about the other, farts, scratching on the butt, or walking around naked from one to toilet to another with the pants on the knees because the toilet paper was out at one or the other are just things that are either ignored or forgotten and perheps even found "cute". but when the hormone has worn off then all these things will become a disgusting thing...

same for the male, right now he wants to be on his best, and make her every dream come true because his hormone is still very active it seems. so maybe they should just postpone the wedding for a year and start making plans about where to have it in 9 months because then both of them will have their minds back and will be able to think straith...

I just quickly typed this comment, so forgive me for the spelling errors and the like.

Cheers!

[ivan]

Dear Ron,

Just in case, what would you do if Apple and Bert comes to you and say " We could not think of anyone more suitable other than you to be Bert's best man!" in disneyland of course..

hehehe...

best of luck!

[glenn]

does Bert have to give a dowry to the family or start sending money to the family every month as a "good son-in-law?"

[Ron]

Hi Everyone,

Apple's parents are coming to our house for dinner (tomorrow night). In short, the main topic will be Bert and Apple's wedding plans.

I am doing my best I can for "loving son" Bert.

I think that tomorrow night will be interesting. Let us see how it goes.

Ivan,

I doubt I would do that if he marries in Disneyland.

Glenn,

We shall know tomorrow night. I believe he might end up giving both.

Cheers!

[Skippy-san]

In Tokyo, getting married at one of the hotels in Disneyland is a huge deal. I never understood why. But it is and they get a lot of money from it. Tell Bert that marriage is over rated, its better just to rent!