Scene - Sunday morning ritual Dim Sum breakfast
"What's with these Mo Saw women?"
Raymond, my Hong Kong business partner was holding his chopsticks in a threatening gesture. I just looked upon, knowing fully well that this could only mean his dissatisfaction with those women.
"I mean they come all the way out here and dance and sing and now they say they do not have casual sex and it was all a big misunderstanding" saying which he banged the chopsticks on the table and vehemently looked at the waitress.
"C'mon puppy boy, let's not get worked up over trivial issues, Yes?". Upon overhearing my comment, the waitress gave an understanding smile but looked at Raymond as if he was a suspicious pervert.
The issue at stake was, that on Tuesday, January 6, 2004, at about 11:10 PM Mo Saw women were again featured on a local Chinese TV channel. And during the interview, they were apparently trying to explain that 'Jao Fun' was not casual sex as misinterpreted by tourist guides.
According to the Mo Saw women, while they do not have any formal rules for marriage, they still need their parent's [especially mother's] agreement before they can select a date and mate.
Raymond, it seemed, was disheartened and shattered by all this.
Of course, anyone in his position would. Because at his age and with his looks it would be difficult if not impossible to imagine any Mo Saw mother allow Raymond even ten feet near her daughter. The only exception would be if someone forced the darkest sun-glasses [shades] to fully impair her vision.
Out of a show of sympathy but in reality only mockery, I decided to help Raymond out...
"Tell me what happened and then let me analyze what is going on...".
"I have recorded the entire documentary on video for you to see" said Raymond in his most subordinate oriented tone. "But" he continued... "even their faces are not very attractive".
"Not a problem" I said. "In our flying days we had a saying - cover the face and fuck the base. Get it?"
But the poor soul didn't dig the joke and continued describing each and every irrelevant detail as if he were a TV set.
I had no option but to sit back and listen to a scene by scene description of the entire travel documentary, which painfully, even included the furniture arrangements of Mo Saw women.
What I was able to gather was that their figures are attractive, but their faces are not.
This wasn't all that important. As those who constantly work outdoors suffer from the usual wear and tear.
However, despite their tiring day, it appeared that Mo Saw people liked to group at someone's house in the evening as evening is supposed to be special for them.
Girls, according to Raymond's description, usually dressed up in flailing long white skirts. Whereas boys dressed up in jeans and shirts. Everyone it seemed, wore decorative head gear. While girls preferred crown like head gear, boys usually kept to their bandannas and hats or traditional gear.
During the later part of the evening, girls and boys would sing traditional folk songs with a dance around the fire. This, perhaps, was the occasion where everyone found the night's partner. Of course, it was also revealed that couples in love also took part in the dance but they did not have to bother about partners.
Apart from the evening rituals, the other interesting descriptions involved average house traditions, where apparently the focus of their life is centered around the design of their residence.
The living room or something that looks like one, has a traditional fire in the center. Superstition has it that the fire must keep burning for 24 hours throughout the year. And while it must provide warmth in the cold weather, its secondary purpose for brewing traditional tea also sounds quite intelligent.
The doors are typical as in like a square hole where the visitor is forced to bend his head down and raise his foot up [if s/he wants to cross the high barrier] to show their respect for the host. However, the house has many special doors. One of these is used for bringing new-born in and taking dead ones out.
Usually a mother figure, an old lady who has long since had her days, is in charge of the house. Visitors sit on the right [near the door] of the house whereas the mother figure sits opposite, near the bed.
The bed too, conspicuously placed near a big window, signals a lot about the traditions of their female kingdom.
Making a mental note of this unique feature, it was clearly obvious that the big window could also serve a secondary purpose. That is entry or exit from the residence.
After enduring Raymond's tedious descriptions, I decided to rid him of his depression. And so I started...
"Look, everything is crystal clear to me now".
"It is?" asked Raymond with a ray of hope and a gleam in his eyes.
"Yes".
"These ladies have been repeatedly featured on the local television, now what does that mean?"
"I don't know" said Raymond, sounding very uncertain.
"It means, lover boy, that they are tired of local dicks as I told you the other day". "And..." I continued, "What does their tradition and house tell you?"
"What?"
"It means that the special door(s), the fire, and the bedside window are of great cultural relevance".
"Yes? How?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"If a woman does not like a man, she can kick the hell out of him when he is bowing down under the beam while balancing his feet to enter the unnaturally high door sill barrier. That way she can protect herself and ask him to shoo away. Yes?"
Seeing the Har Gau [a Chinese delicacy] immediately drop from Raymond's mouth on to his lap, I realized that his dormant brains had kicked in and that he had started thinking.
"My God Ron, you are right! I never thought about that".
"Now look, even the fire in the center seems to mark the second line of defense. You said the bed was on the other side of the fire, right?"
"Yes, right". At this stage, it was clearly evident that Raymond was totally engrossed in my cultural analysis and therefore I took the opportunity to transfer all the tasty Dim Sum to my plate. Which he failed to notice.
"So see, it seems that the newcomers must first go through personality evaluation, in spite of agreements for Yat Yea Ching [One Night Stand]. There come in the odd door and the fire". "And..." I continued, "for regular visitors, they seem to have huge bedside windows and special doors through which they can sneak in or out without the required monkey dance involving fire or door circus".
Before I could finish, I was surprised to see Raymond stand up, come over to me, and shake my hand while patting my back...
"Ron, what would I be doing without your kind help?"
"Masturbating" was the only answer that sprung up to my mind, but I let it go.
Sitting down, Raymond again started drinking tea from the bowl used for washing chopsticks. Perhaps, he was forming a habit of it...
"But they say they do not have casual sex and need agreement, etc. What about that?".
"If you were sleeping around, would you go announce that to the whole world on the TV?"
"I guess not. Most certainly not!"
"Well, there you have it then. Now you see how everything is crystal clear?"
"Yes, but what about their unattractive faces?"
"Beauty my friend, is in the eye of the beholder. And every culture has its own".
"Don't worry about the facial beauty. We can surely sort all that out if given the choice".
"Besides, in this situation, the thrill for casual sex must override all other concerns, right?
His aggressive nodding simply meant that everything I was telling him was driving home.
"So everything is settled then. Now go get some more research done and by the way, stop drinking from that bowl. Will you?"
Disclaimer:
While the aforementioned travel documentary was aired on the specified date and time, some of the assumptions and deductions are pure speculation and could also be fictional. The assumptions and deductions are what we understood in our capacity by reading between the lines for which we at See Lai cannot be held responsible in any way or form.
Recent Comments