See Lai

Understanding Hong Kong

We Deserve Better explains the local scene in Hong Kong since its transfer from Britain to China in 1997. It is a good book for those who want to understand Hong Kong and China. And a must read for those who want to come to Hong Kong as tourists or for marriage and job opportunities.

Note that the book is a serious compilation of observations of local events by author Hemlock. Don't expect to find romantic or girlie stories. But on the other hand, do expect important pointers on Hong Kong's people and their culture.

Cheers!

PS: To those who regularly email me regarding information about Hong Kong (and China), I suggest you read this book.

Bonking In Hong Kong

Like a virgin dying to be laid, Bert is eagerly awaiting his wedding date. "Only a couple of weeks down the road," I told him, "just take it easy."

He smiled and didn't say anything, but the excitement in his eyes and his clenched fists spoke volumes. Ah Chig, on the other hand, had a lot to say. "Every night a different woman should be bonked (don't blame me, but yes, Ah Chig and Bert have started using the term 'bonk') by you before your marriage takes place, so that sadness does not take place after your marriage takes place."

There we go again. "Has taken place," "is taking place," or "will take place." Although, you have to admit that it is much better when he speaks (his) unique English, so that we don't have to speak in the world's most complicated language – The Chiu Chow language.

Anyway, Bert was extremely impressed by Ah Chig's idea. And so, while sipping coffee in the chilly garden, the two of them started asking me how Bert can bonk as many women as he can; before his "marriage takes place."

The Plight Of Women

Read this article.

I was under the impression that Hong Kong respects human rights.

Cheers!

Caught With Prostitute In Dongguan...

How many times have we (or at least I have) heard this story?

A convenient karaoke in the hotel complex, a big private room in karaoke, couches lined on one side, a huge TV on the other, and suddenly the door opens as the Mama San (in charge of girls) enters with 10 or 20 sexy girls who wear numbered tags on their breasts.

Your business associates ask you to select a girl or two, following which, they themselves get a girl.

Sipping alcoholic drinks, eating fresh fruit, and singing (actually barking) the songs - Titanic theme song included, you enjoy for an hour or two while your new girlfriends serve you as if you were the emperor. In return, you openly grope and fondle them to show your associates that you are pleased. Even your new girlfriends are pleased as suddenly, instead of escorts, they hold important status; and are part of some obscure business deals.

The night continues and soon you conveniently end up in your hotel suite with your two new girlfriends. Following the necessary ritual of "wash and wax," soon the three of you end up in a king size bed.

Immaterial of how exciting and thrilling all this seems, having "escorts;" and/or sex with someone who is not your legal wife is totally illegal in China.

In the past when I wrote about Sex in China, I was accused of writing a "Victorian Era styled guidebook."

Reading the local newspapers for past one week, the story of Alex-Democrat-Ho, is perhaps a sad reminder why people should read and re-read See Lai and its guidebooks, or at least all of the links above.

Without wanting to be judgmental about Alex-Democratic-Ho, all I can say is that:

If you were seen with a girl in the karaoke bar, and then later with the same girl in your room, what do all the links in this post suggest?

Note: Some stories linked in above post were posted in November 2003, it isn't like I have overnight written them. Besides, I have previously linked the above links more than once at See Lai. Endnote

One final word for the likes of Alex:

If you can't compete with big dogs, stay fucking put and don't whine.

Cheers!

Tips For Marrying A Chinese Bride - III

On Sunday evening, Catherine and Bert visited me. Love is wonderful. Or at least the feeling of being in love is. And it is a cure or a booster to behavioral problems as well.

Bert no longer exhibits stupidity and his idiotic looks and expression(s) seem to have left him for good. On the other hand, the woman in Catherine has blossomed as well. She is ten times more attractive and graceful than she used to be.

Seeing a (almost) perfect couple in front of me, my thoughts wandered to events of past few weeks...

Tips For Marrying A Chinese Bride - II

Note: We strongly recommend you read the first part via the link (continued from here...) below, otherwise this article will not make sense. All links open in new window. Thanks.

Continued from here...

It is probably too late to change or educate Catherine's mother. I keep referring her as "hag", because I found it very strange that she must accompany her 23 year old daughter to a singles party, that too hosted at my house and not in some ill-repute bar or what have you.

This very fact, endorses Gloria's observation that the hag treats her daughter as a commodity, and probably is also interfering in Catherine's personal freedom, which I disapprove.

Besides, it does appear she is overly materialistic. Not that I disagree that parents concerned about their daughter's welfare should think about financial security (of their daughter's future life), but stable financial security and greed are two different issues. In this aspect, I believe Catherine's mother is really greedy and perhaps expecting a lot for herself alongside the stability of her daughter.

Further to Brian's concerns of whether or not Bert is honest, all I can say is that it is difficult for me to answer that.

I have known Bert for only a couple of months, and while his behavior has been stupid, especially regarding girls, love, sex fantasies, etc., I believe he is sincere in finding a wife, albeit Asian or Chinese wife. So far, he has presented the truth about his job, his background, and his family.

But does he truly love Catherine? I believe that the only way to find out is to test him out. Which is what I plan to do...

Tips For Marrying A Chinese Bride

"God kill the whore!" Bert thumps heavily on my desk.

As usual, he finds it very convenient to drop in my office every evening when I am in Hong Kong. "Because," he says, "you are my only friend in this town."

"Catherine's mother..." Bert's mouth twists in a disgusting snarl, "...thinks our relationship has been too short to propose for marriage. Besides, the bitch has a lot of conditions."

"God kill the whore!" he repeats again as if it were some mantra.

Marrying a local (Hong Kong) Chinese lady, especially who has a mother like Catherine's, is a tough challenge. One that I have gone through myself.

"When you marry a Chinese lady, you are not just marrying her but marrying her entire family, sort of." I inform Bert in a Samaritan-esque tone.

"And besides," I continue, "such traditional women (like Catherine's mother) firmly believe that Gweilo (foreigner or white devil) are born with a billion dollar bank draft as a gift from their creator. So they are bound to milk you."

Wearing a look like an orphan child unjustly rejected by prospective foster parents, Bert nods slowly. "What should I do now? I want to marry Catherine as soon as possible..."

"Well, the road is comparatively long and your relationship has been far too short. Hell, it has just started."

"But..." I look at Bert's hurt-puppy face, "we have ways to expedite your marriage."

Resolving Issues - Part III

Note: In order to understand these events, you will first need to read the entire series in the sequence of the following links - Doing Business In China, Sequel, The Crooks, Regrets, The Finale, Mental Stress, Resolving Issues - Part I, Resolving Issues - Part II.

That is a lot of reading to do but basically reflects how China is and the challenges of doing business in China. All links open in a new window. The events in this post are from last night.

Endnote

Checking in his luggage at Chek Lap Kok airport for a one way trip to Taipei, Taiwan, Gary hugs me in a brotherly hug... "Brother, thank you."

"Without you", he continues in Mandarin Chinese, "I don't know what I would have done..."

"We would be placing flowers on your grave", is what I want to say, but avoid the crude joke and pat him gently on his shoulder. Pointing towards his hand bag, I inform him that it is time for him to go.

Glancing at his watch, Gary expectantly asks me, "Brother, can I have a last drink with you? I still have some time before boarding."

Seeing genuine tears form in the corner of his eyes, I pity him. Here was a man, who in his wish for overnight millions was almost ready to sell me out. But now was returning home barehanded with no prospects, huge debts, and no practical career to look forward to in Taiwan. Remembering my own agony, I almost want to refuse his offer, but then I remember I must settle the Three Snakes Wine revenge.

"Sure" and Gary, Raymond, as well as yours truly walk towards the bar (China Coast) in Airport Regal hotel. I am in a mood to get Gary as drunk as possible before he boards the flight. If on board he created trouble, that was none of my bloody business...

The Night

Sharply dressed but looking like Robin Williams (popup image or album) in his young days, Bert arrives earlier than the rest. Presenting expensive perfume to my wife and a pack of good cigars to me, he reflects the image of someone who just stepped out of 1970's.

"Where do I sit tonight?"

I throw a odd glance at Bert while my mind vaguely recalls scenes from a movie Kindergarten Cop. Dragging him to the mini-bar in our living room I inquire if he is good at mixing drinks.

"I have seen it done" comes the most assuring reply from Bert.

"Never mind" I pat Bert and sit him on one of the couches.

Soon a batch of four girls, my wife's friends, arrive and Bert jolts up clasping his hands as if a high voltage electric cable was thrust up his ass.

"Welcome" he says and courteously bows to all four. My wife and I exchange troubled glances and I immediately know that this is going to be one of those parties that I have never attended before...

Let's Get Bert A Dame

No other way out!

Irritated by Bert's third call this morning asking me directions for appeasing his Kwun Yum, I have finally decided to throw a Wednesday Night Ladies Party at my house tonight.

The way Bert's enthusiasm was growing, it really reached a point where I could bear no more.

I hate being woken up at 07:00 AM in the morning by a phone call, especially when someone asks me a stupid question like "Do I need to shower before worshiping Kwun Yum if I was masturbating?"

Throughout the day, me, a miserable soul, asked my wife to call all her single friends (girls/women aged between 22 and 31) to come to our party tonight. I too called around all such girls/women I know.

Tonight we have like 16 single girls/women coming to our house, some with or without their boyfriends.

Phyllis and Ah Kit are not invited and the party starts at 07:30 PM sharp.

I am even willing to throw open our guest room for Bert tonight in case he wins his prize. And I will ensure he performs tonight or else I will make sure he is fired from his job by his boss and takes the next flight(s) back to Rochester, MN.

Damn!

P.s.: Keep tuned for the update late tonight. I will definitely post what transpired at or around 01:00 AM (GMT +8). That is if I am still in a good mood. Cheers!