See Lai

Please! STOP!

Believe me, you don't want him around...

Cheers!

Credits: Via my bro, but I guess uploaded by someone called fire_doll.

Note: I will upload the models (left sidebar) in one or two days.

Wan Ker Goes Bonkers

Warning: Picture of a celebrity with a water buffalo.

Sex-starved Buddhist friend Wan Ker-sin is aroused by bestiality!

Cheers!

Shit Happens - A Song

Early evening, and Bert drags Ah Chig and me into the garden. "I just composed my very first song," he says, "and even Apple thinks it's great."

Ah Chig and I look at him in surprise as he pulls out his 3G phone, selects an audio file (probably recorded by Apple and Bert to the accompaniment of some Jazz music), and plays it. The rough and unsophisticated voice of Bert screams out of the speaker of his phone:

Shit happens,
Yes, it happens,
Happens, happens everyday,

(Female chorus* – happens everyday)

But don't you fret my dear,
Now, don't you fret my dear,

(Female chorus* – don't fret my dear)

Just take some toilet paper,
Or a roll of tissue paper,
(Repeat...)

And wipe it; wipe it all away,
Wipe it all away,
Just wipe it all away,

(Female chorus – wipe it all away, wipe it all away... fades)

"How 'bout that?" he asks us.

"Simply unimaginable!" I bark. Ah Chig doesn't look so sure.

"But why sing such songs when your wedding is just around the corner?" I ask Bert.

"No, no, no," he shakes his head vigorously. "I was inspired by Ah Chig's troubles, and therefore this song is dedicated to him," he says.

"Aha!" I nod. Ah Chig, on the other hand doesn't seem impressed and keeps staring at Bert. He is convinced that Apple and Bert are laughing behind his back. Well, I think so too.

Cheers!

* - Apple's voice alongside Bert trying to sing in a soft voice, before switching back to his normal voice after the chorus.

But Can She Lactate?

"But will creation of milk take place?" Ah Chig asked, as the three of us – Ah Chig, Bert, and I – sat in a bar enjoying our men-only pre-Christmas party. Chinese/Russian ballet dancer or not, Ah Chig's English teacher seems to have impressed in his mind that everything in this godforsaken world "has taken place," "is taking place," or "will take place."

Funny English aside, Ah Chig was asking us a serious question – Can a woman lactate after undergoing breast-implant surgeries? And would there be side effects?

Happy Holidays!

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town...
Er, on his new bike!

Have fun and enjoy folks! And thanks for reading See Lai. Will make it better next year!

Cheers!

Credits: I received this card from a kind friend and asked his permission to post it here. However, he doesn't want to be credited. Nonetheless, I think you will agree that he has a vivid imagination. Brilliant!

Give Me A Break!

Regular readers know that Bert's wedding(s) [really, make that plural, I kid you not!] is (are) just around the corner. And like most couples (including my wife and myself - twenty plus years ago), Bert is deciding on wedding-photographs-packages offered by several business-hungry studios.

Bert is a rich guy, and his wedding-photographs' budget (in my opinion) is quite expensive (how many photographers dare take underwater video surrounded by sharks?). Well, that's wonderful and I would clap endlessly to appreciate his enthusiasm of showering photographic joy on his beloved Apple. But there's a problem...

He wants me to make the final decision and select the photographers who will capture the magnificent moments of his wedding(s). "Why me?" I am asking myself as I write this post.

My logic is simple. Investing a single dollar in your wedding photographs is like flushing your money down the drain. For example, first year after marriage and people are so enthusiastic that they place their wedding photographs in the living room (and out here in Hong Kong, pile albums under the coffee table to terrorize the guests). Second year, the photographs are mysteriously transferred to the master bedroom. And three years down the road, they are under the bed or in an unreachable corner of the closet. God forbid if you end up with a divorce! In that case, the investment in wedding photographs amounts to nothing more than TOTAL LOSS!

Why then should I be bothered about selecting the best studio/photographer(s) for Bert? If he continues with his behavior, he will definitely end up with a divorce. And such presumptions inform me that even a single dollar spent for Bert's wedding photographs is a waste (of dollars). Let me be stoned to death for uttering such truths words.

Cheers!

Swimming

What do you think about this woman? Professional or dumb?

And we thought Bert was stupid! Please, try not to laugh when you look at the pictures (in the first link - above).

Note: Girlies will be uploaded soon. And I may just go ahead and simply make the middle column wider. In that case, the only thing 800 X 600  display mode users will miss, is part of the right sidebar.  Oh well!

Cheers!

Shades Of Microsoft?

Windows are crashing all over Hong Kong.

Cheers!

Nigerian Scam

As if their email spam was not enough, now they have started posting comments on Nude King!

Normally, I delete such comments. But I was in a funny mood and therefore I replied. Go read it and have fun.

PS: You can use my reply or format your own and reverse-spam those bastards.

Note: 999 (in the above link "read it and have fun") is Hong Kong's emergency number. Don't call it or chances are you might end up talking to the Hong Kong police.

Cheers!

Virtual Reality

From a Yahoo discussion forum:

Maverick: I hate Seattle!

Iceman: Why?

Maverick: It was fuckin' cloudy when I flew over it in Flight Simulator.

Cheers!

Note:

Girlie pictures coming up later today, models change tomorrow.

Ass

Just deal with it!

Credits: Via email by reader Glenn.

Cheers!

Yes, She Left Me...

She was wild, but always under my control. The fun we had since I saw her almost one and a half year ago, is simply indescribable.

She always felt special when I firmly held her and gently moved her around. But, we weren't always gentle. At times, we would let go all our control, and that was the time a lot of folks were really jealous about us.

She used to purr whenever I gave her a gentle but firm pat, and every single time we were together, eventually we would always end up being (quite) rough!

At times, we almost lost our senses, but those were the times when we really had prolonged and ecstatically orgasmic fun.

However, yesterday, something went wrong. For the first time in our one and a half year relationship, there was some hindrance. That was when she decided she had to leave me. Almost unwillingly, she left. But before she left, I felt that she wanted to say:

"Let us see how it goes... And who knows, before you know I am gone, I might soon come back."

Message From Iraq!

The picture says it all!

Cheers!

Credits: Via email from reader Glenn.

Nude Men

Nude girlies are the norm at See Lai. But what about nude men? Well, you can see them here and here.

Cheers!

Full Monty

Who would have thought? Lewd and vulgar details about Tung's Full Monty.

Cheers!

Innovative!

For a struggling tourist economy like Hong Kong, nincompoops galore!

Trying to copy North American trend of "smoke free" bars, one or two local freaks pick up on the trend of smoke-free-bars.

Yours truly has frequented many bars in Hong Kong over two decades. And one thing I have noticed is that at the least, 40% (if not more) customers smoke something or other (including enlightening stuff).

If "smoke free bars" gig really becomes mandatory in Hong Kong, there is no doubt that Silom road in Bangkok, Makati in Manila, and all the joints of Hanoi will get a lot of tourist influx. Hong Kong is not only losing its (once) prosperous industries, it is also losing common sense. Tung still reigns!

I have some more innovative suggestions -

1) Alcohol free pubs and bars.
2) Hooker free brothels and dance halls.
3) Visitor free mainland China trade exhibition halls.

Number 3 is already reality. Two more to go.

Cheers!

Animal Kingdom

Just as I am about to switch off my notebook computer and play with night-shift nurses, an email arrives:

Goat wants to meet single girls.

To which I reply:

Single girls want to meet a big horse.

Have fun and Cheers!

Misunderstanding

A patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth.

A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," the patient mumbles from behind the mask... "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies... "I don't know. I am only here to wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again and asks... "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Finally, the nurse pulls back the covers and raises his gown. She holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a closer look.

"Nothing is wrong with your testicles..." she says.

Surprised, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and says, "That was very nice of you but... are my test results back?"

Credits: This joke was sent to me by 'Captain of Fate', genius surgeon, a regular reader of See Lai, now a very good friend, and none other than the one I mentioned in my comments yesterday.

Note: Catherine and Bert will be visiting me in the evening and after they leave, it should be the right time for me to post the backlog posts about Bert Saga.

I did go to the Mass and I will write about that in the diary as well.

To all of you who have sent me kind and supportive email, I will reply soon. As soon as my email problems are solved that is. Many thanks for everything.

Link opens in new window. Cheers!

Love From Wing

If you haven't heard Wing, you haven't heard nothing!

Go to Wing's site and listen to (all) the sample cd tracks there. I suggest you start with track #3 - "Bring Him Home" to get a preview of what's in store for you and then listen to the rest.

All tracks play for about 20 seconds.

In her own words...

I have worked hard and I hope you have all found I am improving.

She uses traditional Chinese "Yuet Khuk" or "Dai Hei" style to sing English songs.

She sings for the old people and patients in rest-homes and hospitals all over New Zealand.

I am almost ready to speculate that New Zealand's aging population is rapidly diminishing... Also, this would make a great substitute to drive away unwanted guests from your house or office.

Credits: Via the always funny Waaah!

Shy Girl

What A Shy Girl...

Remember to click on "Play" button once there and turn up your speakers. Reminds me of Catherine's mother.

Credits: Once again via the archives of the fresh stuff genius - Brian David Phillips from Life of Brian

Note: All links open in new window.

Delay No More

The Cantonese Chinese foul word - "Diu Lai Lo(u) Mo(u)" or as pronounced (almost), "De lay lo mo", which literally translated means "Diu" = fuck, "Lai" = your, "Lo(u) Mo(u)" = mother, strikingly sounds like the English term - "Delay No More."

So if you end up in Hong Kong and due to frustrations of waiting; shout out - "Delay no more", the locals might think you are insulting/abusing them. Especially if you speak fast.

General perception is that Gweilo (foreigners) cannot speak proper Cantonese Chinese pronunciation. So better watch out!

Credits: Waaah! for brilliantly pointing out the striking similarity between "Delay no more" and "Diu Lai Lo Mo" (once there, scroll down to "how many times?".

Note: Link opens in new window.

Pornographic Ashcroft

Satire at its best

Behold! Image of John Ashcroft made entirely with little icons of porn people.

Credits: Link via Life of Brian

Note: All links open in new window.

CEO - Chief Entertainment Officer

Credits: SitePro Newsletter.

Mah Baby

Rice Takes to Airwaves in Counterattack on Clarke

Credits: News link via Yahoo News. Graphic impressions courtesy of Ah Bo.

Note: All links open in new window.

WHO Says

Today morning, I read the following on a lady's T-shirt:

"WHO says you cannot fuck me"

I believe World Health Organization has banned/restricted people from "laying" her. Or am I missing something? Perhaps, a question mark?

Want To See Everyone Naked?

Then go use these X-Ray Glasses.

Remember to select "Buy The Glasses" (No, they will not charge you anything, it is just for fun) and use your mouse to move around. You will see people naked.

You can advance to next group of people by clicking the right arrow (top right of the macromedia flash screen and remember to turn down the volume of your speakers).

And don't select the other option "Tell this gypsy fuck to go screw a goat" or he will speak foul.

I have warned you, but it really is a fun game. Try to see the waitress or rather her vulva as she walks by. It is difficult, but worth it.

I liked the game.

Credits: Link via Brian David Phillips from Life of Brian

Note: All links open in new window.

Scary Spam

Received a spam email today with this:

If you can't enlarge your penis, we will take it back.

Take what back you idiot? Penis or the pills?

The President Is Always Right

Election 2004

Left click on the picture to enlarge [link opens in same window] Democratic Contenders Attack Bush on Iraq, Terrorism, Trade and Economy

credits: News link via The New York Times. Link requires free registration. Opens in new window.

Life Is A Bitch...

No, it is not what you think. This is a new trend in Taiwan called the Knife Massage Therapy. And we thought only Japan introduced odd concepts to Asia!

What if the masseur loses control? Game Over?

Credits:

News link and original picture via Channelnewsasia. Picture edited by Ah Bo. News link opens in new window.

Disclaimer:

See Lai does not take any responsibility for the accuracy of the content, and the views expressed in the link or article. We at See Lai do not recommend such massage. And we do not take any responsibility while emphasizing that such massage should not be tried upon by anyone. Please refer to the linked article for details. See Lai and See Lai's editor cannot be hold responsible in any form or way.

Almighty

Left click on the picture to enlarge

Picture credit: Ah Bo and friends. Feel free to use as long as you credit Ah Bo, About.Com, and this site.

What Really Happened On Mars?

Spirit rover doesn't give a damn about anything anymore. Sex On Mars.

Check out our entire series about landing on Mars

Warning: Links contain nudity. Do not click if you are under 21.

Picture credit: Courtesy of Ah Bo. Feel free to use it as long as you credit Ah Bo and this site.

State Of The Union - Summary

"The values we try to live by never change, and they are instilled in us by fundamental institutions, such as families and schools and religious congregations"

Humor Or Terror?

During lunch with associates in Dongguan, we overhear three stories of deaths. All cases are unique in their own way and occurred within a span of few hours.

Case 1: A man jumps from 20th floor in an attempt to commit suicide and kills two pedestrians on whom he falls. The man survives with minor injuries!

Case 2: Members of a family decide to end their lives and blow up a gas cylinder in their flat thereby totally damaging 6 flats around them. The [now] homeless stand freezing on the street in disbelief and despair cursing the dead [family].

Case 3: A smarty pants feels that the weather is too cold and therefore decides to heat things up. He sprays gasoline on several trees around his house and sets them on fire [to keep the neighborhood warm].

Result? Three charred bodies in two adjacent houses which are totally burnt.

We believe these people deserve the Inconsiderate Asshole of the Year award. What do you think?

Germany

This is a new quiz amongst bloggers trying to find out what country they are. I decided to give it a go and...

You're Germany!

You have a really ugly past, one that defies description.  This gives you tremendous guilt, but you've coped with it and flourished into an awfully good person, considering.  You've finally made peace with yourself, in so many ways, and you've been able to build on that for a bright and capable future.  You've become so enlightened that you're probably a member of the Green Party, or at least listen to their demands.

Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

I guess it is better than being Hitler.

The Hidden Agenda...

Why We Must Go To Mars?

Left click on the picture to enlarge

It all started when Spirit rover transmitted this picture...

Credits:

Pictures courtesy of Ah Bo

Abe Lincoln And Easy Rider?

What Famous Leader Are You?

I am surprised by this 45 question test!

What Classic Movie Are You?

This 45 question test though is not as surprising.

Credits:

Introduction via Conrad at Gweilo Diaries

Sense Of Humor

Local television station TVB definitely has a sense of humor...

Following the policy address of Chief Executive of Hong Kong Special Administration Region, they broadcast the cartoon of "Oggy and the Cockroaches"!

The press conference with question and answer session is scheduled for 05:00 PM. We will be keenly observing the questions and reactions.

The Veggie Nonsense

Mad Cow Case Not Creating Vegetarian Rush and it shouldn't!

We giggle when we remember that cows are vegetarians as well...

Satan Claws

With the kids back from school, I received the season's first greetings from my 7 year old son when he extended his arm, shook my hands and started singing:

We wish you a crabby Christmas, We wish you a dreary Christmas, We wish you a scary Christmas, and a terrible year...

...after which he burst out laughing.

My daughter joined in as well with her:

Satan Claws is coming to town...

Well, thank you, I guess, but I told them that it was jingle bells, jingle bells, all the way to hell... for me anyway.

I think, I like these new versions better. After all, they are a relief from the mental conditioning of four decades for a festival that has become mostly boring.