Nude King On The Blog

Sichuan Tragedy

I have been up all night and watching the Sichuan tragedy unfold (TV and Internet news). Until midnight, almost 9,000 people were feared dead and tens of thousands injured. And the relief crews believe it is only going to get worse.

I know I was bitching about Sichuan food, Sichuan pork, and Sichuan beer, but I do like Sichuan people. Basically, they are a kind lot and are very enthusiastic about entertaining their guests.

I just remembered that Xiao Hung and Xiao Wai  - two girls I had great fun with in Dongguan - were from Chengdu, Sichuan. Or at least, one of them was. As were some other people that worked for me in my factory (which, I have already sold since) in Dongguan.

I have not been able to contact any of them, and yes, I am a bit worried about them. And now, since Ah Chig has taken over the factory, those Sichuan people don't seem to work for him anymore.

Well, I hope that as rescue efforts recommence at first light, things wouldn't be as bad as feared in other counties (communications and roads are blocked, so no one knows).

Ciao!

The Exciting 21st Century

Sir Elton John 'marries' David Furnish.

Reminds me of a news article I read a couple of months ago:

Indian girl marries a dog.

Ciao!

Wonder Channel

As Rafael and I enter the conference room, we see a crowd prostrating in front of Wonder Boy. A quick glance at the crowd, I recognize most faces. Mostly a bunch of Executive Councilors – Wonder Boy's running dogs, but a pale monkey stands out from the crowd. Where have I seen him before? I scan the archives of my infallible memory. Soon the answer pops out of a mental folder marked 'Boyfriends of Super Porn Stars'. Leon Lai - Ex-boyfriend of wanton porn star Hsu Chi!

"Long live the king!" they shout as they kiss Wonder Boy's feet. More action pours into the conference room as a bunch of TV cameramen enter. They place their equipment on the floor, prostrate, then stand up, collect their equipment, walk three steps, and again place their equipment on the floor and prostrate. They continue doing this until they reach Wonder Boy's throne, and after kissing Wonder Boy's feet they too bark, "Long live the king!"

Rafael and I watch on as the cameramen position their equipment and the pale monkey starts reciting his speech:

"People of Hong Kong, pressure the democratic baboons to support the political reforms of our king. Or else, Beijing has threatened to reinstate Tung Chee-hwa as the eternal Chief Executive of Hong Kong. How terrible would that be compared to our beloved king's political reform proposals?

So hurry! Visit your district's legislator, drag him or her out of office or bed, and force them to vote for, not against, the constitutional reforms showered upon us by our magnanimous benefactor Donald Tsang. Go, get 'em now!"

"Get 'em now, get 'em now," the Executive Councilors and cabinet ministers cheer in the background.

"Perfect!" Wonder Boy shouts, "5... 4... 3... 2... NOW!" he snaps his fingers and the video clip is immediately broadcast on all TV channels in Hong Kong. Needless to say that precisely at that moment, Wonder Channel is officially launched!

I look at my watch. 8:00pm! The lucky number 8! Since when did Catholic jerks start believing in Chinese feng-shui? And lucky number or not, 8:00pm is too late for me to be in a room full of clowns. I nudge Rafael and we leave the conference room.

SEATED IN an almost deserted Wan Chai girly bar with scantily clad petite girls sitting on our laps, Rafael and I freshen our minds with strong liquor. "How sad," Rafael sighs, "Wonder Boy is acting like a downtrodden beggar!"

"Some people," I tell Rafael, "are visually blind. But Wonder Boy is mentally blind. As I said in the past, intelligence is either inherited or gifted, but never cultivated. Sadly, he lacks on all three counts."

Ciao!

Lam

Just messing. I will remove this picture later.

Ciao!

Credits: Original image via Fumier.

Monkey Boy's Message

Since more and more people have started camping outside his ranch, Monkey Boy yesterday reiterated his message:

Ciao!

Let's Play 'Shoot At Sight'!

Early morning, and as I leisurely stroll to work, I hear a rifle shot. A bullet whizzes past my ear and hits a dark skinned turban headed man walking in front of me.

The dark skinned man falls down as he holds his head. A police officer runs towards him. "Are you a terrorist?" The police officer barks. The poor man fumbles in his pocket as blood oozes from the turban on his head. He struggles to hand over a plastic ID to the police, but before he succeeds, he is dead. 'Abdul Jabbar Mahmood – Certified Electrician', reads the bold print on the ID. Right next to his corpse, electric wires, clippers, pliers, and screwdrivers lie strewn across the sidewalk. I shiver as I look at the corpse. The dead man is still clenching a zip less duffel bag in his hand.

The police officer tosses the ID on the dead man and turns around. "We got the wrong guy," he says to his team. The teams of police officers circle the corpse and point their guns at the crowd. "No briefcase, duffel bags, or backpacks with electric wires!" they shout, "or we will shoot you on sight!"

Everyone throws their briefcases, bags, backpacks, and everyone squats on the ground. Some people throw away their mp3s, iPods, and cellular phone headsets on the ground. Everyone is terrorized as the police officers look around as they menacingly point their guns at the crowd. Satisfied that there are no more "terrorists" in the crowd, the police officers walk away.

After they are gone, the crowd waits for a while before anyone stands up. I ignore my briefcase as I step into a nearby 7-Eleven. Even though the sun is barely shining, I get myself a beer and read the newspaper. There it is, in bold print, 'Monkey Boy George and Tony B. Liar are now the new supreme emperors of this world'.

I shake my head as I read the article. New World Order has arrived earlier than I thought. A recurring question starts bugging my mind, again – "Who exactly is the terrorist in this world?"

Ciao!

Let's Rock The World, BABY!

"You should have been there!" says an anonymous caller. Addicted to sleeping early, I rub my eyes and look at my watch as I switch on the lights. 11 PM!

"Who is this?" I demand as I adjust my mobile phone to my ear.

"A fan of your site," replies the caller and asks me if I am interested in the latest breaking news? I permit him to go on. He narrates...

"The public housing flat was decorated with balloons," he says, "and since early evening people were pouring in the Toothpick Lady's apartment." I ask him whether he means the old woman with a last name of Lo who single-handedly brought down Link REIT listing? The caller confirms that my understanding is right. "Everyone," continues the anonymous caller, "was having fun and drinks were flowing freely. Toothpick Lady herself was dressed in a leather bikini and was taking swigs from a bottle of whiskey as she rolled out rings of smoke while smoking a cigar."

All this is too much for me to absorb, especially since I wake up from a deep slumber. Am I awake or am I still asleep and dreaming? What the caller is describing seems to be a series of least possible events.

I voice my doubts, but the caller on the other end insists that what I heard is right. "You should have been there," he repeats. "And," he reiterates, "the hag was dressed in a leather bikini with metallic silver conical breast cups and enjoying herself. She was also heard saying, 'Let's rock the world, BABY!', while Madonna's Material Girl played in the background!" The caller audibly sighs at my disbelief of his story.

"But what is all this about? Material Girl, Toothpick Lady, Link REIT, and your calling me?" I exercise patience and try to make sense of it all.

"Switch on your TV, switch on your radio, or check the Internet news sites and you will know that the Toothpick Lady has received Legal Aid and now she is out to defeat them all!" And with an irritating crackle, the caller hangs up.

I switch on the TV and watch the late night news. The anonymous caller is at least right about one thing – The news reports confirm that Lo Siu-lan has been awarded Legal Aid to challenge the Housing Authority of Hong Kong. I also check the on-line newspapers, and sure enough, even they confirm that Link REIT listing could suffer setbacks. Oddly, I see that in the same newspaper, another news item mentions that at least 600 Housing department jobs will be lost.

Material Girl really seems to have her way around!

Ciao!

Research by Ray and post by Mike.

The Failing Standard

Unable to sleep after enjoying my personal Halloween party where I frightened the innocent fish swimming in Shan Pui River, I crawled back into my cave and switched on the computer.

My desire to read today's news, or rather free daily entertainment by politicians a select group of clowns in this here lovely Hong Kong, was so overpowering that I could not wait for the village boy to deliver the newspapers.

And so, as soon as I logged on the internet and clicked my favorite bookmark - The Standard, a small window gave me the middle finger (flippin' bird):

Alert
www.thestandard.com.hk could not be found. Please check the name and try again.

Walla Patoo Kunk! (crocodile language meaning What The Fuck?)

First Spike, then FEER, and now The Standard? Looks like the media and publications industry is folding up. Who next? SCMP?

Now, now... If SCMP folds up, drinks are on me buddy! Just come to Lan Kwai Fong and drink yourself crazy. I mean drink until your dickey-doodle-do resembles Niagara Falls baby.

Well Pal, for a moment, let us assume that 'The Standard' vanishing from the Internet is a temporary syndrome. If not, then my good friends Fumier, Hemlock, and dear friend Ron as well as yours truly; will have a hell of a time re-editing hundreds of posts at their sites where they have linked 'The Standard.' We can't have broken links at our sites, now can we? After all, search engines drop sites with broken links.

So there! Breaking news about The (failing) Standard, brought to you first by none other than yours truly - The Genius Crocodile.

"Although it was wonderful to see all that water tumbling down, it would be even more wonderful to see all that water tumbling up."
-- Mark Twain

Ciao!

Croco Fever

Dear Readers,

I was struck by the typical X99Z51 Croco Fever that results from repeatedly eating stale chicken and Mainland pigs.

As a result, I was unable to post anything last week. Nonetheless, in next two days, I will redesign the site a bit and start regular posts.

I promise to give regular political commentaries starting Monday.

Sorry for the inconvenience and thanks for your patience.

Ciao!

108 Names

Buddhists all over the world are familiar with 108 names of Buddha. These are generally recited to remember the glory and enlightenment Buddha showered upon us.

Strikingly reminding us of the saying - History Repeats Itself, our valiant CE is already on the path of glory and remembrance. Albeit, on a totally opposite tangent to Buddha.

For a mortal human, or at least the perception of such, he has already accumulated the following glorious names kindly offered to him by his admirers (links open in same window):

1.	Baggy Eyed	Yours Truly
2.	Crop Haired One	Hemlock - Hemlock
3.	Dumbo, The Flying Elephant	Stuart Wolfendale
4.	King Tung	Stuart Wolfendale
5.	Laputan Leader	Ron Bach
6.	Nude King	Yours Truly
7.	Pig Faced	Yours Truly
8.	Stupid Tung	Conrad - Gweilo
9.	Tofu For Brains	Hemlock - Hemlock

[Stuart's references directly point to his articles. Others above have multiple references and links point to their site.]

That's 9 names out of 108. Or one cycle of 9 out of required 12 cycles. 11 cycles of 9 or 99 names still remain.

If I have missed any from other people, thanks for additions in comments here.

Hurry up! Submission dates close on June 30, 2007.

In the meantime, look out for Who's Who In Hong Kong Politics. Coming soon at this blog with pictures.

Ciao!

Behind The Scenes!

In the quiet of Saturday night, a private plane left Hong Kong's Chek Lap Kok International airport on its journey to Beijing.

Four and a half hours later, it's passenger, a pig-faced baggy-eyed man reached his destination - secret vaults of CP dungeons.

Without much ado, the baggy-eyed knew what to do.

Pulling down his pants, he squatted on the floor in front of a television playing a video of Hong Kong's July 1, 2004 democracy protest march.

10, 20, 30 lashes brutally rained down his arse, for those up north realized that baggy-eyed and his friends were engaged in nothing else but farce.

"Why did this happen?" their question repeated, with every blow even harsh.

"I don't know," came the answer, as red marks appeared, on his swollen arse.

Left click the picture to enlarge

Determined upon exposing - The Nude King On The Blog!

Credits: Cartoon by Ron at www.seelai.com